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The pervert's complete guide to hentai


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ho ho homy fappers.another crazy thread by the universally loved switchy had resurfaced from the underworld.

 

dear boys,trolls,faggots,fappers, bisexuals ,eunuchs and girls (do v even have girls here?)....i would like to talk to you about hentai.

 

you see , as of late, there has been a surge of good for nothing hentai running around p2p and DL websites. lots of garbage i tell ya!

CRAP,some of them are just CRAP.its like a giant ball of turd covered with chocolate and decorated with those fancy colorful sprinkling things.

you think : "wow ,lots of girls,and the cover looks amazing too,i gotta milk my dick to this one!"

 

BUT

 

after you DL that crap, you get hold of a box of tissues or onna-hole (if u r a pro like me ) and start to anticipate 22mins of fun......

 

oh wait ,out of that 22 mins....there is only about 6 mins of faps!

 

the rest is ...house,people eating dinner,house,people eating dinner,driving a car,some random blowjob that only shows the ass ....ITS A FUCKING BLOWJOB,show her head, i dont wanna see her tushy...fucking retarded japs.they all have down syndrome IMO.SHOW THE COCK-SUCKING HEAD.

 

then we have the crappy vaginal fucks.its 10 seconds at most,mostly around 6 thrusts and two squirts,apparently in japan,

all males have pre-mature ejaculation syndrome. if i had a drug-company ,i'de just ship all my erectile dysfunction pills back to tojo and make a profit.

 

then we have the cock tease, these are usually games based on an eroge or manga.the hentai based on a manga is usually crap, bcuz the characters are so boring ,its like playing Call of faggots all over again.EVERYONE LOOKS THE SAME. oh wait we have the bsame thing in anime these days...EVERYONE LOOKS THE SAME,especially the males.but now its getting to the females too.they just have different hair color. HOW FUCKING LAZY ARE YOU?

 

i rem fapping to censored versions of kissXsis ,it was that good. but right now, i just turn the monitor off ,and go fuck a random tootheless whore in a pataya back alley bcuz getting AIDS is better than this crap.

 

then the eroge re-makes...oh god, they just show you like 10secs of fucking sex and the rest is like the girl is doing some cos-play or the guy is trying tio fire-up his coal fueled cock,bcuz this is 1886 and we still use coal to power everything including our o-chinp*s.

 

worse is when the hentai is a cock tease, it makes you all horny,all fidgety and then when its time for you to fap...*BOOM* picture of a house comes or like the scene ends bcuz there is a dog who wants to be fed or some thing.....one second u r a bout to fap and the other you are limp.

you constantly need to scroll ur mediaplayer to find the god-damn fucking scenes....put them together and then fapfor 50 secs....tops.

 

and censoring ,o-chin*o...really? there is a girl whois eating shit out of her uncle's asshole and then getting buttfucked by a human-gorrila chimera,but YOU censor chinpo? really? and they also censor those small things which pass of as penis these days.apparently japanese men think that a slightly enlarged clitoris is a male organ.

 

if that wasnt enough ,we now have VERY bad loli hentai crawling out the woodwork, some of them so horrible ,its just eye cancer.

 

i will give a general guide and maybe others can correct me or improve this thing.

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1. NEVER go for a hentai that has more than 2 girls. they always suck and they are a guaranteed cock-tease heaven.

you will be rigid-limp-rigid-flaccid all the time.you'll be like that asshole who cant decide whether he wants to be gay or straight so goes and cooks his own penis and serves it to other people just bcuz.

 

2.NEVER DL without looking at the screenshots first, your best bet is to count the number of vaginas or cocks that you see.

if its more than 8 u r good.6 is tolerable.

 

however sometimes the cocks may just be the male guy , fapping.

yes,isnt it wonderful that they show a guy fapping in EVEY hentai? you wanna rub one out and then ....

..............a faggot is playing with his small un-circumcised dilly-willy.

 

3.dont DL eroge re-makes

 

they are a total cock-tease.although there are exceptions but generally stay away from them

 

4.Dont DL manga re-makes

 

they suck

 

5. when DLing a series, like a hentai which has many episodes...most of the times the first episode and the last episode are crap.a rule of thumb is that episode 2 and 3 will be good faps.

 

if its just 2 episodes,then go for episode 2.

 

ill write more when i get sober

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I wonder which is the standard size of a cock in Japan...

 

its a miniature jelly-bean.

 

ho ho *Hic* ho ...i got a bottle of pinot noir,handfulof chest nuts and lots of tissues....

cover ur laptops, its about to get really sticky here.

 

ok our first series of demonstrations are all about spotting crappy crappy run-of-the fucking shithole hentai that makes you

wanna cut ur dick and go eunuch in a tibetan monastry.

 

3D hentai : for the uninitiated, 3D hentai looks "fresh",its really attractive to think that you can fap to something which looks like it can be groped by ur hand ... its a LIE.The cak *Hic* 3D is a LIE.

 

most 3D hentai have bieber-level voice acting, most if not all have hired a fucking midget to make small high pitched chihuahua sounds that remind me of the time when bieber got hit by a bottle and went "aoooow".

 

wtf? even that faggot would be put off by this crap ,and remember kids!!!!,bieber has been sucking dirty old,shrriveled cocks since his discovery by elton john in a midwestern gay brothel.

 

the main selling point of hentai is vocie acting and with that outta the picture we are left with some animation and a bunch of

3D semen that looks like Mcdonald's milkshake.(i always suspected that they use "employee" semen instead of milk,since its cheaper)

 

it doesnt help that most of these fuckers are like 4-8GB,which might take forever to DL for some of the less fortunate fappers (20 years for ultimecea)

 

now , some of these vids were actually cropped out of some crappy game like sexy beach or 3D maid costume....

which are horrible games and should be cleansed off piratebay with acid.i mean if someone actually plays 3D maid costume then they would know what im talking about. a see-through ,purple ghost fucks THE SAME GIRL ALL THE TIME,the girls all have the same face/body ,but they have different hair color ...

 

and dont get me started on the weird crap like , a girl gets zapped by x-ray and becomes really tiny,then gets fucked by a monstrous old man ....

thats as random as spock being heterosexual...really? spock is probably dickless or worse, puts his dick into dirty old socks used by his granma...

 

. lesson 1: 3D sucks (and not in the way you want it to)

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i aint got too high a criteria for cranking mah tool but I really like proportional bodies... is kissxsis even hentai? i dont remember any penetration

 

nah just a cocktease. =/

 

And switch - Lolis are not eye-cancer, they are just so awesome people go blind from it ;)

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i have not been active for a year due to real life ...for that i apologize to my fans and haters

SHI-KA-SHIIIIIIIIII !!!!!

 

i shall return on january as a free-man! expect more fun , rage ,trolls and contests!!

 

SO-SHITE! i shall start the publication of my own manga using deviant art ! it will be faptastic and full of rage on violence!

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