Chocolatemilkgod

I'd very quickly put that up in spoiler tags. Just do [.spoiler=Little Busters End Game Spoiler] TEXT [./spoiler] without the dots.

 

And the interpretation is interesting, at least. I don't know if I'd 100% agree with it, but it's definitely something to think about.

What ever happened with the translation?

http://puu.sh/4Zwl9.png

http://i.imgur.com/mzDg25d.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/PLJtyuA.jpg

 

For fucks sake -.- . If he had time to write comments and a giant ebook, why couldn't he have spent more time on making the translation?!

Cross Channel retranslation patch released On Cross Channel & New English Translation Released | See you next week

 

EDIT: After looking around and seeing screenshots... apparently it's advisable just to use the old translation.

 

Shiiiiiiiiit. I was hoping it'd be an improvement...I'll wait until I hear more, but it's still disappointing...

*Chapters 1 to 6 fully scripted (Chocogami will soon check them followed by desi's QC)

 

O: How long is each chapter right now? An hour ish or more? Just curious.

So far I'm just doing cosmetic stuff to make it look prettier aka being a busy body. Here's some samples of the sprites nothing big yet.

 

Ooooh,

. The changes are subtle, but I definitely like the improvement. The hand-drawn aesthic helps to break up that was mainly solid colour before, which is pretty . Not sure whether I like the changes just to the hair or to the whole uniform yet, though.

Don't forget to send a copy to Aeru as well so we can get him/her/other to translate into high quality Japanese.

She should wear a slightly longer skirt though, you can see her ass in the second picture.

 

I second the longer skirt, everything else is great though. And I know heterochromia is awesome, just look at my avatar ^^

 

...meh

 

Why gerard angry O:

Heterochromia ftw

 

My dream heroine has been expanded to being a heterochromic kuudere-esque introvert eccentric scientist tomboy...so at least she fills one of those criteria.

Aww man another tsundere and/or kuundere?

 

You're lumping tsundere and kuudere together?! They're completely different entities, blasphemer! Burn the witch!

 

Dandere-Kuudere, maybe...Still prefer introvert lovable kuudere

Hope kuudere (of some type) wins (need to have the 'just introverted' type). And blue eyes =

 

Edit: Aw shit OMA, heterochromia (with blue and green eyes) O: Why didn't I think about that before...

"I do feel the first chapter is very fast paced, mostly because I'm not sure if it's a good idea to introduce characters every other chapter.(I ended up introducing 3 of them in a single go)"

 

Hmmmm...I mean there's certainly different ways to go about it, sort of depends. It might be the type of thing where you'll have to write a little bit and see whether it works or not. You could have brief glimpses of the other characters in the hallway in previous chapters to not really 'introduce' them as such, but just to give a little bit of playful foreshadowing. Or maybe have a rumour circulate around about one of them just to make the reader a little interested. You might want the other heroine to not actually attend their school, that might be an interesting dynamic (if you want, you could even have them part of a sister school (that's maybe very small?) that borrows some of the facilities so she's an unofficial member of their club...if she even has to be involved with it at all! Just an idea). Also be sure to be careful when writing so that things don't become too...'crowded' with too many heroines. Side characters are a little better in that respect (I mean look at seacats!...mind you, you have to be pretty confident in your ability if you want that many characters), but just a general word of advice.

 

Anywho, still not completely sure what I want the final heroine to be...definitely NOT a trap (sorry yachi), but I probably don't want another kuudere (as much as I love them) or else there might be some characterization steric hindrance. Dunno, sort of depends what sort of character the loli kuudere is since there's mini archetypes (these are often mixed in with each other).

 

1. Controlled kuudere (One of the common types) - Pretty in control of her emotions, and, as a result, has a cool exterior presented by her emotional control. More subtle actions imply a lot more from her than from other people. Often rather snarky and blunt. May be completely anti-social (borderline dandere?).

 

2. Just Introverted (Other common type; sort of like me in real life...) - Kuudere appearance to strangers and people she doesn't know that well. Friends will know the person as caring and lovable (hell, even very talkable), but they won't talk much to people outside their close circle of friends; slow to warm up to, can often be cynical and snarky at first. My favourite type

 

3. Mood-dependent kuudere - May be kuu one day she's in a bad mood and dere the next day. Not my favourite type as it's borderline clinical insanity, but it's a type that exists.

 

4. Tsun-Kuudere - Akin to yumiko in grisaia (just don't make her route terrible). Can show physical aggressiveness occasionally (especially with people she doesn't know), or can just come off being provocative. More tsun tsun elements can probably be incorperated.

 

5. Dandere - Yeah, I know it's not kuudere but it's sort of a close offshoot. I tend not to like them as much as kuudere.

 

Or you could have an eccentric and aloof person. Maybe kuu-esque?...Dunno. Throw a scientist and/or tomboy in there for fun maybe. If they're a scientist, make them a biochemist because they're the best types of scientists.

 

Conclusion: I don't know.

But this is not in real life. Likewise, not many readers would be willing to date a crazy yandere girl in real life either, or enjoyed hardcore rape like in Black Lilith, but in VN...

Sometimes I just don't get real life comparison, tbh. Anyway, real life or not, if people don't like it, then they don't. Simple as that.

 

Yes, but I often try to empathize with the main character and 'put myself in their shoes'. It usually makes reading a lot more enjoyable for me; that's what I mean by 'real life'. Sure, I don't expect crazy mecha or magic in real life, but I do like trying to get into the story.

So that means you absolutely hated Lucia in Rewrite O: say it aint so.

 

Lucia is an exception, I guess. It's more of a comedy end to a scene rather than the her main attributes. Moreover her route was my favourite in rewrite so I was willing to overlook it. But, generally, not physical aggressive tsundere is better (like ones that just flip out and grab the collar of my shirt aren't cool, they'd just piss me off in real life).

 

I'll have to think about the other heroine type I want

my thoughts:

 

My main issue with the whole thing is that it felt a little...brusque. I know it's an alpha and that you'll probably embellish on it before release, but I would have preferred if the story was a little slower paced (with editing/additions this will pad it out slightly). Slightly slower writing will help draw focus to the serious parts when they actually arise (the KEY dogma ); it's a bit of a precarious spot since you definitely don't want to pad it out too much at all (don't turn it into a through-and-through romcom!), but a little bit will probably make the pace a bit better. This is the type of thing with revision and additions will probably sort itself out, but just letting you know. It's just little things like perhaps adding a line or two when he's looking for notes to copy (when he meets sasaki) or something. I suppose I just want 'more' of it (more interactions etc). It also needs a little bit of clean up to remove mistakes and make some of the lines flow a little easier since some parts felt a little 'raw', but you already know that

 

My other small issue (and this is pretty subjective) is that I'd prefer more...I don't know, action or something in the writing (note: I don't mean people punching each other). You have nailed most of the framework for the Aoki thinking to himself and dialogue (again, just a little extra detail here and there would be nice), but I wouldn't mind a few more comments about the environment. So, again, maybe when he's looking about the room, he might quickly comment about the quality of the desks or something before noticing sasaki, etc. I think a little more interaction with the world will make the static environment seem more alive (at least in the reader's mind).

 

Liked the main character, had a few funny moments. Writing humorously can be difficult, but with revision he'll probably turn into a pretty fun, if cynical, character. The other three characters that we met were good, my favourite being minamoto, although there were a couple of times that I would have used slightly different wording or that her swiftness to apologize was a little bipolar. I liked her since I hate physically aggressive tsundere, but the more relaxed tsundere is better for me. I felt the childhood friend's way of appearing out of nowhere was a little odd, and borderline rom-com logic, so you might want to do something about that? It's up to you; fairly minor thing. Didn't learn too much about sasaki in the demo, but she seems interesting enough.

 

Lastly, about the story, perhaps make the foreshadowing a little less conspicuous? For exmaple, when he's watching the weather, perhaps have him only watching it out of the corner of his eye to make it less obvious. In addition, having a lot of serious stuff about the mindstorm right off the get go, while it can draw the reader in, might be better a little spaced out more (relates back to my first point). Also, for the record, a solar flare? Come on, come up with a better excuse than that . Also depending on how smart minamoto is you could use the word cyanotic and/or ischemic instead of 'going blue' if you want to sound muy fancy

 

On the music side, I like the mix of music (again it'd be incredible if you could get your own, but whatever), but some of the transitions were too contrasting for me. 'Town of continuing rain' from little busters being one of the main offenders. I love that piece of music, but it's pretty morose and minor, something only used when you're REALLY down in the shits. Flicking between that and the childhood friend's piece was way too abrupt. There were also a couple of other minor musical changes that were a bit off in my mind, but it's sort of par for the course when you use music from different scores (plus there were less of an issue).

 

SFX wise, they were okay, although the TV turning on sound scared the hell out of me, and the drops in the beginning of the game could do with a lower frequency (they were dropping a bit too quickly and loudly for me to read pleasantly).

 

Backgrounds were nice, although again I would like if you had your own from somewhere...but meh. Is it possible to have non-static backgrounds for things like rain? I don't know if it'd look good, just an idea. Also is there a way to have adjustable text? Just an idea since the text only fills one or two lines which may make it weird for some people to read (this increases my reading speed a lot so I didn't mind, but some people like having more paragraphs than short sentences). Finally, sakaki's tie looks a little weird to me...again, minor detail.

 

Then there's stuff that's pretty cosmetic and not important, but a chibi picture of the characters for the .exe and maybe on the exit screen, maybe when the game starts up have a circle with a stamp that puts on the words 'The' and then 'Helvetica Standard'. Also I'd copyright the writing of the game so you don't have people trying to steal it. Although unlikely, it's always nice to have that saety net (and if you're working so hard on it, don't have people just nick it).

 

Although that sounded like a lot of complaining, but I definitely enjoyed reading it! I found the story was pretty interesting and fun, just a little raw (for the aforementioned reasons -- partly because it was an alpha too, haha). It definitely has potential, and I'm looking forward to seeing how everything pans out and returning to the story for full release .

Update:

 

I'm glad I made the DEMO. If I actually bothered to go all out then release it... I wonder if at least one person would have read it.

Seeing as there's little to no interest to read a barely 1 hour long chapter, I don't see why I should bother releasing full VN. xD

I guess I was wrong when I thought you guys would welcome an OELVN...

It stings and It was the last thing I'd ever think of saying but.. loppez was right. (yep, indeed... who would have thought)

At the very least, I finally got to create my own VN, that makes me happy

 

You don't need to know this but I will finish VN as promised, January still deadline.

If someone form the forum is interested in reading it once it's finished, PM me and

I will gladly share it with you.

 

See you around, guys

 

For the record, I think you're overreacting. Part of the reason you haven't gotten much feedback is probably:

 

A) The torrent is pretty on and off, and it took at least 24 hours to download for me (and I get 100 mbs^-1 internet speed). Yachi was saying he had the torrent and was just waiting for it to complete. I know there's a mega link now, but most people probably just stuck with the torrent (or didn't see the mega link post)

B) Some people may have wanted to wait until the full release to play it and avoided the demo (I rarely ever play demos since I like to go in blind, for example)

C) We're busy, and the demo came out at the beginning of the week when it's the busiest (at least for me, anyway). You'll probably get more feedback as the weekend rolls around.

 

Anyway, just finished it (I was expecting it to be longer, so I was putting it off a little bit until I could play it all in one go on the weekend, but then you said it was only 1 hour so I went for it after that). I have a short list of bits and bobs that I'll post if you're interested later. For now I have a double date with intramembranous and endochondral ossification. All right!

Those backgrounds ... Rewrite?

 

Ja.

 

Still reading as I'm in the middle of writing abstracts (not fun), but I'll hopefully give you my criticisms/suggestions soon! I'll probably list a whole bunch of things that you're already well aware of (since it is an alpha after all, haha), but hopefully at least some of the things I mention will be constructive. Story so far seems interesting, although maybe a little fast paced (this will probably resolve itself with both editing a little bit of fleshing out as the game moves on in development)? Probably not much of an issue though if it slows down a little after the immediate introduction (I'm not that far in, what I'm saying could be all bollocks, who knows).

 

Keep in mind these are all my opinions so you're more than free to disagree ^^.

Got it! Playing now

Connecting....connecting...connecting...

 

God dammit >.

 

Also, for the record, I don't mind at all how long it takes for the full game to come out. I'd actually be happier if it came out later but in a more polished form...Games that come out later polished are better than games that come out earlier and are less so...that said if you're confident you can polish everything off by January that's fine

Geass and Choc talks sometimes.

 

Rarely if dan is there since he hates british people 3

But you will be the person who has to write the lyrics. I'm only the mastermind idiot who will perform it.

 

 

Whaaaaaat? You don't want to sing with me? That's cruel. =(

 

No, he's just being hanako again. In a sec he'll shout "I'VEGOTTOGODOSOMETHING". So kawaii

I could do some minor voice acting if it's, like, a narrator or something that doesn't have much to say I'll try to sound like filch

. And if OMA sang the ED (with a desi duet!!) that'd be the best thing in the world. Dammit, it'd be so cool if there was a composer for the music though...

 

EDIT: It should sound like

, except replace yoshino in the lyrics and pictures with utli and have it play after the yaoi true end. Do it.

I like having the map, I think that can really engage the reader if they're more involved in the story.

 

Also, get desi as a voice actor for all the heroines. His hanako-voice will save the day!

Kuudere

 

Edit: I don't really like loli's that much, so...

Actually I'd be more than happy to edit a bit as long as I'm not knee-deep in work. I wouldn't call myself a writer or anything, but I'm good enough to check through things and provide a bit of feedback (I write science, not fiction).

 

It'd be pretty cool if someone who help out with the art volunteered or something from the forum or elsewhere to provide a few BGs, CGs or even sprites. I'm looking forward to reading the story .

^ Where is your Grisaia review?

 

Haha, I knew you were going to ask that. I'll get to it eventually, although I'll probably put it up on my blog first (I apologize if it's a bit difficult to read, that's something I have to work on)... At any rate, hopefully in the next few weeks? I already did the mind map ages ago so I know most of the main writing points that I'll write the review around. It's just the case of finding time that it's not summer since I have a pretty busy schedule (mind you I really want to do it, time permitting).