Cross 12 Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 The Five Phases of Manly Romance by Cross Chick Flicks Romance is for women, right? Whenever I hear „love story“ I instantly think of gay vampires and Fabio. George Clooney, Hugh Jackman and Robert Pattinson bring a smile to girls’ faces all over the world, while the boys frown like they drank a glass of piss. In the western hemisphere love in art is only targeted at women. Over the years the people accepted that fact, claiming that men are just too rough for emotions and only care for violence and porn, while the girls cry in front of the television, just because the movie is sooo romantic. But what if I tell you that this is not the whole truth and men can enjoy romantic content as well? That boys of all countries can deeply care for fictional characters and even cry for tragic events in art (google “Manly Tears”)? Well I just did, so let me get to the point. Nippon Love Just take a look at our favorite country when it comes to entertainment. Hands down, love is the most important topic in Anime, Manga and Visual Novels. The emotional buildup between two characters is more important than the story in general. A matching couple and their development from strangers to friends to lovers impresses more than clever plot twists or mecha fights. Even in works that are targeted at boys you will find love as the dominant topic. This is (sadly) the exactly opposite of Western art. Imagine an unshaved, muscular badass in the train reading “Twilight”. A ridiculous thought? Only in the Western world. I’m always happy when I read a well-written route in a Visual Novel. It’s not even that hard to delight the fans. Romance in VNs mostly follows a fixed pattern that boys can understand and appreciate. I call it “The Five Phases of Manly Romance”. Phase 1 - The Introduction Our hero just lives his boring daily life. Nothing exciting happens between school, free time and sleep, but one day he meets a cute girl. Maybe he bumps into her in the school corridor or they work at the same part-time job, but that’s not important. They talk to each other and (with the right choices from the mysterious puppet player in front of the screen) become closer eventually. Usually a boy in Japan meets at least five good-looking girls during his day, so he has to choose! When Protagonist-kun has decided the next phase applies. Phase 2 – The Dato Our future couple got closer and according to Japanese laws they have to proceed with the proper order of romance, the next step: the “Dato”. It’s not really the same as the English term “date”. A Dato is a fixed ritual, dating back to ancient times when Ameterasu and the first Yamato-Emperor ate rice balls and sang Karaoke together. Since then aspiring couples had to spent the afternoon in the shopping district with eating, buying souvenirs and visit the cinema, otherwise the “Pink Kami of Flower Odor” would turn the boy gay (at least this is stated in the ancient legend 偉大なゲイのゲイ•ボーイ). A successful Dato leads to the next phase. Phase 3 – The Hug The boy has to be a clever tactician to reach the requirements of phase 3, because it can only proceed in a very limited number of locations. Actually only the roof of a school, a beach at night or the room of a girl are possible areas. When the couple has reached one of those holy places they become quite, smooth violin music sets in and the boy, usually with a stern face, does the unthinkable: he puts his arms around the girl. This is the turning point of his relationship-quest! Of course the poor thing is shocked and can’t react at all. The only thing she can mutter in such a situation is the name of the cruel violator (but still with a polite “–kun” attached). Often the next phase begins right after. Phase 4 – The Kisu When the hero has gone this far he shouldn’t stop. Increasing the strength of his grip (so the girl can’t escape) he lowers his head und puts his lips on hers! Now the only sounds that can be heard are smacks and whimpers (I always imagine the voice-actress chewing bubblegum and sucking on her fingers to imitate the sounds while the rest of the crew laughs their asses off). Having almost reached the final goal the hero continues to phase 5. Phase 5 – The Unification of Two Souls (a.k.a. the H-Scene) At his point the time for silly girly-bullshit is over. Now the hero has to prove his unlimited manliness by… well, having sex. This final phase could also be explained in steps, but for the sake of simplicity I will shorten it for you: kissing – undressing – kissing the breasts – (opt.) blowjob – sticking it in – (opt.) virgin blood slaughterfest – ramming like it’s 1968 – ejaculating 5 liters of sperm – (opt.) getting interrupted by a cute Imouto - sleeping. Of course one orgasm is only for pussies (no pun intended). A real man can do it 5 times in a row! Having reached this 5th Phase of Manly Romance everything that happens after is just a useless bonus. This pattern can be applied to nearly all Bishoujo-VNs and even to some drama-heavy ones. This universal recipe for satisfying love resonates well with Otakus all over the world and never fails to succeed. When will the Western World adapt this miraculous way of developing relationships? Until then the word “romance” will always have the bad aftertaste of topless male vampires and Fabio. Isn’t it sad, Aeka? In manly love, your Cross Ps 1: Having re-read my text I realize that the humor is rather silly. My deepest apologies… Ps 2: Have I mentioned that I love the Aeka-route of Yume Miru Kusuri? Ps 3: Do you know how to post pictures a bit bigger? With the "insert image" button they always get thumbnailed... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OneManArmy 82 Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Ps 3: Do you know how to post pictures a bit bigger? With the "insert image" button they always get thumbnailed... Use the [img*]www.url of the picture.com[/img*] tag (without *'s) to post a picture in its original size. I personally prefer that *insert image thumbnail' thingy though. As for the rest, I hate YMK... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cross 12 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 Well, I always upload the pics from my hd, so that won't work. It's not that important, though. As for YMK: for real? Aeka is the personification of Moe. She has everything you could ever ask from a girl: white hair, old-fashioned clothes, serious problems in life and an almost Yandere-like obsession with the protagonist! Wait a sec...that doesn't really sound right... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ryu 15 Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 You are missing a phase....The Conflict Almost in every light-hearted/drama/comedy/harem Visual novel, some after and some before The Kisu, always something bad happens to the heroine that threatens their love, but our hero solves it in the end and they proceed to The Unification of souls, ooooor they hug, kiss and fuck and THEN the conflict occurs. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
udizzle 11 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 that made me laugh, seems about right xD Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OneManArmy 82 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 ooooor they hug, kiss and fuck And the duration between their first kiss and their first sex scene is something like 10min. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Exsilon 15 Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 lol figured out the formular have you Cross san Well i do agree with your eassy once again but of course u missed the conflict/problem part But nevermind i do enjoy reading it Chear! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Clouddy 10 Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 And the duration between their first kiss and their first sex scene is something like 10min. Because the kiss is so amazingly awesome and powerful it stirs both their nether regions. The kiss screams "Take me!~" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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