Violet Hill: A Community VN Project - Development

[OneManArmy 82]

Those backgrounds ... Rewrite?

[Chocolatemilkgod 16]

Those backgrounds ... Rewrite?

 

Ja.

 

Still reading as I'm in the middle of writing abstracts (not fun), but I'll hopefully give you my criticisms/suggestions soon! I'll probably list a whole bunch of things that you're already well aware of (since it is an alpha after all, haha), but hopefully at least some of the things I mention will be constructive. Story so far seems interesting, although maybe a little fast paced (this will probably resolve itself with both editing a little bit of fleshing out as the game moves on in development)? Probably not much of an issue though if it slows down a little after the immediate introduction (I'm not that far in, what I'm saying could be all bollocks, who knows).

 

Keep in mind these are all my opinions so you're more than free to disagree ^^.

[Helvetica Standard 17]

Those backgrounds ... Rewrite?

 

OMA XD

I've been posting screenshots all week and you just noticed it? XDDDDD

 

BTW, your opinions matter guys. I want the unembellished truth

I snooped around the SB and found out that at least 2 little birds disliked it plenty.

I wonder if they'll share their thoughts with me... x3

[Helvetica Standard 17]

Update:

Butthurt Drama Queen, reporting :3

Well, Intel says there's quite a bit of you still interested on the VN's progress so..

I apologize for my lack of motivation. I'll get my head out of my ass and get to

work on this ASAP.

 

Not releasing more DEMOs, Stuff's bad for my health XD

also read many of you aren't into partial patches so let's

go all the way and then release.

 

Link to demo is still here a few posts below, just remember is alpha version of chapter 1.

 

Script version 0.45

Chapter 4 ready for scripting

Programming chapter 5

 

Stay tuned :3

Edited October 15, 2013 by Helvetica Standard

[Chocolatemilkgod 16]

Update:

 

I'm glad I made the DEMO. If I actually bothered to go all out then release it... I wonder if at least one person would have read it.

Seeing as there's little to no interest to read a barely 1 hour long chapter, I don't see why I should bother releasing full VN. xD

I guess I was wrong when I thought you guys would welcome an OELVN...

It stings and It was the last thing I'd ever think of saying but.. loppez was right. (yep, indeed... who would have thought)

At the very least, I finally got to create my own VN, that makes me happy

 

You don't need to know this but I will finish VN as promised, January still deadline.

If someone form the forum is interested in reading it once it's finished, PM me and

I will gladly share it with you.

 

See you around, guys

 

For the record, I think you're overreacting. Part of the reason you haven't gotten much feedback is probably:

 

A) The torrent is pretty on and off, and it took at least 24 hours to download for me (and I get 100 mbs^-1 internet speed). Yachi was saying he had the torrent and was just waiting for it to complete. I know there's a mega link now, but most people probably just stuck with the torrent (or didn't see the mega link post)

B) Some people may have wanted to wait until the full release to play it and avoided the demo (I rarely ever play demos since I like to go in blind, for example)

C) We're busy, and the demo came out at the beginning of the week when it's the busiest (at least for me, anyway). You'll probably get more feedback as the weekend rolls around.

 

Anyway, just finished it (I was expecting it to be longer, so I was putting it off a little bit until I could play it all in one go on the weekend, but then you said it was only 1 hour so I went for it after that). I have a short list of bits and bobs that I'll post if you're interested later. For now I have a double date with intramembranous and endochondral ossification. All right!

Edited October 15, 2013 by Chocolatemilkgod

[Helvetica Standard 17]

For the record, I think you're overreacting. Part of the reason you haven't gotten much feedback is probably:

 

A) The torrent is pretty on and off, and it took at least 24 hours to download for me (and I get 100 mbs^-1 internet speed). Yachi was saying he had the torrent and was just waiting for it to complete. I know there's a mega link now, but most people probably just stuck with the torrent (or didn't see the mega link post)

B) Some people may have wanted to wait until the full release to play it and avoided the demo (I rarely ever play demos since I like to go in blind, for example)

C) We're busy, and the demo came out at the beginning of the week when it's the busiest (at least for me, anyway). You'll probably get more feedback as the weekend rolls around.

 

Anyway, just finished it (I was expecting it to be longer, so I was putting it off a little bit until I could play it all in one go on the weekend, but then you said it was only 1 hour so I went for it after that). I have a short list of bits and bobs that I'll post if you're interested later. For now I have a double date with intramembranous and endochondral ossification. All right!

 

I'm sorry for my rants. I sure many of you are like: WTF man??! Not diggin' your drama at all, get your balls out of your mouth and put them to good use!! But all I can do is apologize. Again, I'm sorry

I also have a job, so I understand that much. I returned to work yesterday and I was a bit on edge since I wanted to do both things at the same time...What can I say, that stressed me out a lot.

I'm looking forward to your feedback, Chocogami. I don't mind if it's negative or whatnot, that'll give me more drive to do things properly.

[Gerard the Lone Wolf 10]

Update:

 

I'm glad I made the DEMO. If I actually bothered to go all out then release it... I wonder if at least one person would have read it.

Seeing as there's little to no interest to read a barely 1 hour long chapter, I don't see why I should bother releasing full VN. xD

I guess I was wrong when I thought you guys would welcome an OELVN...

It stings and It was the last thing I'd ever think of saying but.. loppez was right. (yep, indeed... who would have thought)

At the very least, I finally got to create my own VN, that makes me happy

 

You don't need to know this but I will finish VN as promised, January still deadline.

If someone form the forum is interested in reading it once it's finished, PM me and

I will gladly share it with you.

 

See you around, guys

 

*sighed* Because I've too much time today, I guess I'll become Danganronpa and start pointing out the obvious. I'll try to keep this brief and short. Let's bullet point it so it's easier to read and understand.

 

1) If you actually love to write, then write, otherwise, don't. If you like your characters, see that they fulfill their little roles in the stages, otherwise, don't.

 

2) If it wasn't that obvious already, no one here gives a flying fuck about Comyu's partial patch or Grisaia's trial either for reasons too obvious to be spelled out, unless donkan.

 

3) Absolutely no one here welcomed OELVN, that's why no one ever played Katawa Shoujo. Hanako sucks.

 

4) loppez is absolutely right. I should go and delete all of my reviews.

 

5) I wonder how many people read the Starswirl demo and is making fun of it.

 

6) Good writing is important in Visual Novel.

 

7) I fail to keep this brief and short.

 

That will be all.

 

Edit: Shit, I did not refresh the page before posting.

Edited October 15, 2013 by Gerard the Lone Wolf

[Helvetica Standard 17]

link to DEMO, updated oct 15: https://www.dropbox.com/s/17wrhmjn7x2qdgu/Violet%20Hill%20Demo.zip

 

I killed the torrent, since it wasn't working properly for some unknown reason ._.

 

Update: Prog, script and plot are progressing way faster than I initially expected.

Your support helped me a lot, it still is.

Since I'm very very ahead of schedule I can totally go with another heroine!

Please vote criteria is open as always, go wild!!

 

Poll for 5th heroine is open

Edited October 15, 2013 by Helvetica Standard

[Helvetica Standard 17]

*sighed* Because I've too much time today, I guess I'll become Danganronpa and start pointing out the obvious. I'll try to keep this brief and short. Let's bullet point it so it's easier to read and understand.

 

1) If you actually love to write, then write, otherwise, don't. If you like your characters, see that they fulfill their little roles in the stages, otherwise, don't.

 

2) If it wasn't that obvious already, no one here gives a flying fuck about Comyu's partial patch or Grisaia's trial either for reasons too obvious to be spelled out, unless donkan.

 

3) Absolutely no one here welcomed OELVN, that's why no one ever played Katawa Shoujo. Hanako sucks.

 

4) loppez is absolutely right. I should go and delete all of my reviews.

 

5) I wonder how many people read the Starswirl demo and is making fun of it.

 

6) Good writing is important in Visual Novel.

 

7) I fail to keep this brief and short.

 

That will be all.

 

Edit: Shit, I did not refresh the page before posting.

 

You're right Gerry. I'm sorry..

Many thanks for the encouragement! I'm glad you're still supporting me!

I'm working hard on this to make it up to you guys.

Please vote for 5th heroine :3

[Yachi 13]

For those who missed the MEGA link to DEMO, here:

https://mega.co.nz/#!1E0jhB4C!GeFAZg...eij7SQw5au6v50

 

I killed the torrent, since it wasn't working properly for some unknown reason ._.

 

Update: Prog, script and plot are progressing way faster than I initially expected.

Your support helped me a lot, it still is.

Since I'm very very ahead of schedule I can totally go with another heroine!

Please vote criteria is open as always, go wild!!

 

Poll for 5th heroine is open

 

Its asking for a decryption key

 

(If this game dosnt have a trap in it im going to go apeshit)

[Helvetica Standard 17]

Its asking for a decryption key

 

(If this game dosnt have a trap in it im going to go apeshit)

 

What the hell, I never put a decryption key!! XD

where else am I supposed to upload it to?

I'll try dropbox next, I guess XDDD

[Helvetica Standard 17]

Link to DEMO: https://www.dropbox.com/s/17wrhmjn7x2qdgu/Violet%20Hill%20Demo.zip

Tell me if the link breaks, trouble downloading etc. :3

 

5th heroine:

 

Non loli kuudere - 1

 

short haired blond trap - 1

 

we need more votes

Edited October 15, 2013 by Helvetica Standard

[Melchizadek 10]

Well, this is my first post here. But I wanted to say that I downloaded the demo and played it. When that last screen popped up - and I knew the demo was over - I actually said "damn it" out loud. lol. I was really getting interested in it.

[Helvetica Standard 17]

Well, this is my first post here. But I wanted to say that I downloaded the demo and played it. When that last screen popped up - and I knew the demo was over - I actually said "damn it" out loud. lol. I was really getting interested in it.

 

Thanks for your support and I'm glad you liked it!

Stay tuned for the final release which is due for mid 2014.

Edited October 16, 2013 by Helvetica Standard

[Chocolatemilkgod 16]

my thoughts:

 

My main issue with the whole thing is that it felt a little...brusque. I know it's an alpha and that you'll probably embellish on it before release, but I would have preferred if the story was a little slower paced (with editing/additions this will pad it out slightly). Slightly slower writing will help draw focus to the serious parts when they actually arise (the KEY dogma ); it's a bit of a precarious spot since you definitely don't want to pad it out too much at all (don't turn it into a through-and-through romcom!), but a little bit will probably make the pace a bit better. This is the type of thing with revision and additions will probably sort itself out, but just letting you know. It's just little things like perhaps adding a line or two when he's looking for notes to copy (when he meets sasaki) or something. I suppose I just want 'more' of it (more interactions etc). It also needs a little bit of clean up to remove mistakes and make some of the lines flow a little easier since some parts felt a little 'raw', but you already know that

 

My other small issue (and this is pretty subjective) is that I'd prefer more...I don't know, action or something in the writing (note: I don't mean people punching each other). You have nailed most of the framework for the Aoki thinking to himself and dialogue (again, just a little extra detail here and there would be nice), but I wouldn't mind a few more comments about the environment. So, again, maybe when he's looking about the room, he might quickly comment about the quality of the desks or something before noticing sasaki, etc. I think a little more interaction with the world will make the static environment seem more alive (at least in the reader's mind).

 

Liked the main character, had a few funny moments. Writing humorously can be difficult, but with revision he'll probably turn into a pretty fun, if cynical, character. The other three characters that we met were good, my favourite being minamoto, although there were a couple of times that I would have used slightly different wording or that her swiftness to apologize was a little bipolar. I liked her since I hate physically aggressive tsundere, but the more relaxed tsundere is better for me. I felt the childhood friend's way of appearing out of nowhere was a little odd, and borderline rom-com logic, so you might want to do something about that? It's up to you; fairly minor thing. Didn't learn too much about sasaki in the demo, but she seems interesting enough.

 

Lastly, about the story, perhaps make the foreshadowing a little less conspicuous? For exmaple, when he's watching the weather, perhaps have him only watching it out of the corner of his eye to make it less obvious. In addition, having a lot of serious stuff about the mindstorm right off the get go, while it can draw the reader in, might be better a little spaced out more (relates back to my first point). Also, for the record, a solar flare? Come on, come up with a better excuse than that . Also depending on how smart minamoto is you could use the word cyanotic and/or ischemic instead of 'going blue' if you want to sound muy fancy

 

On the music side, I like the mix of music (again it'd be incredible if you could get your own, but whatever), but some of the transitions were too contrasting for me. 'Town of continuing rain' from little busters being one of the main offenders. I love that piece of music, but it's pretty morose and minor, something only used when you're REALLY down in the shits. Flicking between that and the childhood friend's piece was way too abrupt. There were also a couple of other minor musical changes that were a bit off in my mind, but it's sort of par for the course when you use music from different scores (plus there were less of an issue).

 

SFX wise, they were okay, although the TV turning on sound scared the hell out of me, and the drops in the beginning of the game could do with a lower frequency (they were dropping a bit too quickly and loudly for me to read pleasantly).

 

Backgrounds were nice, although again I would like if you had your own from somewhere...but meh. Is it possible to have non-static backgrounds for things like rain? I don't know if it'd look good, just an idea. Also is there a way to have adjustable text? Just an idea since the text only fills one or two lines which may make it weird for some people to read (this increases my reading speed a lot so I didn't mind, but some people like having more paragraphs than short sentences). Finally, sakaki's tie looks a little weird to me...again, minor detail.

 

Then there's stuff that's pretty cosmetic and not important, but a chibi picture of the characters for the .exe and maybe on the exit screen, maybe when the game starts up have a circle with a stamp that puts on the words 'The' and then 'Helvetica Standard'. Also I'd copyright the writing of the game so you don't have people trying to steal it. Although unlikely, it's always nice to have that saety net (and if you're working so hard on it, don't have people just nick it).

 

Although that sounded like a lot of complaining, but I definitely enjoyed reading it! I found the story was pretty interesting and fun, just a little raw (for the aforementioned reasons -- partly because it was an alpha too, haha). It definitely has potential, and I'm looking forward to seeing how everything pans out and returning to the story for full release .

Edited October 31, 2013 by Chocolatemilkgod

[OneManArmy 82]

I hate physically aggressive tsundere, but the more relaxed tsundere is better for me.

+1 :3

[iLoveTsundere 10]

I hate physically aggressive tsundere

 

So that means you absolutely hated Lucia in Rewrite O: say it aint so.

[OneManArmy 82]

I hate physically aggressive tsundere

So that means you absolutely hated Lucia in Rewrite

Lucia = physically aggressive tsundere

[Maoh 13]

Wow chocogami that was a hell of a feedback, i think you wrote the entire story there

 

Poll for 5th heroine is open

 

Another heroine?

I vote dandere since is the only interesting personality left

[Gerard the Lone Wolf 10]

Poll for 5th heroine is open

 

Non loli kuudere gun/sword wielder yakuza. (Important: Must have at least one onsen scene and wears yukata during hanabi festival.)

Edited October 16, 2013 by Gerard the Lone Wolf

[Chocolatemilkgod 16]

So that means you absolutely hated Lucia in Rewrite O: say it aint so.

 

Lucia is an exception, I guess. It's more of a comedy end to a scene rather than the her main attributes. Moreover her route was my favourite in rewrite so I was willing to overlook it. But, generally, not physical aggressive tsundere is better (like ones that just flip out and grab the collar of my shirt aren't cool, they'd just piss me off in real life).

 

I'll have to think about the other heroine type I want

Edited October 16, 2013 by Chocolatemilkgod

[desi 53]

As long as she's a classic tsundere like Lucia, all is right in the world.

[Gerard the Lone Wolf 10]

ke ones that just flip out and grab the collar of my shirt aren't cool, they'd just piss me off in real life

But this is not in real life. Likewise, not many readers would be willing to date a crazy yandere girl in real life either, or enjoyed hardcore rape like in Black Lilith, but in VN...

Sometimes I just don't get real life comparison, tbh. Anyway, real life or not, if people don't like it, then they don't. Simple as that.

Edited October 16, 2013 by Gerard the Lone Wolf

[Chocolatemilkgod 16]

But this is not in real life. Likewise, not many readers would be willing to date a crazy yandere girl in real life either, or enjoyed hardcore rape like in Black Lilith, but in VN...

Sometimes I just don't get real life comparison, tbh. Anyway, real life or not, if people don't like it, then they don't. Simple as that.

 

Yes, but I often try to empathize with the main character and 'put myself in their shoes'. It usually makes reading a lot more enjoyable for me; that's what I mean by 'real life'. Sure, I don't expect crazy mecha or magic in real life, but I do like trying to get into the story.

[Helvetica Standard 17]

@Chocogami. You just cant escape it, you were made for it, It is your.....destiny.... YOU. ARE. MY. EDITOR.

LOL. Now, on a more serious note:

That was one hell of a feedback, there's plenty of what you said I should work in and I totally agree with your train of thought in the matter.

I do feel the first chapter is very fast paced, mostly because I'm not sure if it's a good idea to introduce characters every other chapter.(I ended

up introducing 3 of them in a single go) This is because I have now 11 chapters to work with 5 ready and 6 to go +1 or 2 for 5th heroine, and

well...1st chapter takes like 50 minutes to read (30 minutes for fast readers)and considering I already have the 4 main routes written down;

I suspect each of them will be 3 to 4 hours long, with Minamoto being the last boss, clocking at 5 hours if not more. My point here is that I really

really, really want to make the story deeper, longer and slower paced. However that endeavour would demand twice the time I have planned to take

in the beginning....but.....you know what? screw it! I will go all out with this VN! I've been working hard on it and new ideas are just coming up and

growing like grass! That said, I will extend the January deadline to simply "sometime in 2014" This will give me plenty of time to concoct the monster

I'm brewing and give the story the justice it deserves. Expect a long read of 30+ hours! I'm really looking forward to it, and I really want you guys to be

there when it happens because without you this would not come to be.

 

I'm really grateful for your feedback and I'll work on the bits you mentioned ASAP.

Stay in touch, Editor-san!